


Sanctify

by vintagewoe



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, Hogwarts Mystery
Genre: Adventure, F/M, Female Player Character (Hogwarts Mystery), Fluff and Angst, Romance, Teen Romance, Video Game: Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, slytherin MC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-06-16 22:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vintagewoe/pseuds/vintagewoe
Summary: During your fifth year at Hogwarts, you and your friends seek out the next Cursed Vault. You struggle with nightmares of flame and Jacob's laughter, and you haven't been sleeping much. You dreams beg you to be honest with yourself and your feelings, but how can you do that when you're not sure how you feel? Slytherin Female MC





	1. What Ifs

_There’s nothing but darkness in every direction that you look. Your friends had followed you into the corridor, but they must have fallen behind. You call out each of their names, but you hear nothing back—not even an echo. Continuing in the direction that you think is forward, you reach out your arms to try and steady yourself. Within a few feet, your fingers brush against what feels like a door. You grab on to the handle, pull it open, and step inside. The door slams behind you, and a laugh that you almost recognize echoes throughout the chamber. It sounds like Jacob, you think, but far more sinister. Without warning, the room heats up. You don’t have the time to even attempt to escape before you are surrounded in flames._  
  


You wake up to an arm around your shoulders shaking you lightly. It takes a few blinks for you to focus, but you look up to see blue, anxious eyes.  
  
“Did you have the nightmare again?” His voice is quiet, full of concern. You nod slowly, and he frowns. “I’m sorry.” Bill presses his hand against your cheek and you lean in; his presence helps you center yourself back. For a moment, it’s easy to imagine that it’s just the two of you, but Tonks coughs to remind you otherwise. Bill pulls away, embarrassed, and you look around. You’re in the library with your friends; Bill is on your right and Barnaby sits on your left while Tonks and Tulip sit across from you. It’s late. You wonder how long the group had been studying.  
  
Realizing that it was already after midnight, the group decides to call it a night. You pack up your things, and the group exits the library, preparing to go their separate ways. You’re suddenly aware that by napping, you wasted some of the time that could have been spent studying.  
  
“I’m sorry for dozing off,” you start, but Barnaby immediately cuts you off with a wave of dismissal and a sigh.  
  
“You haven’t been sleeping; we understand. You spend all your time trying to find the fifth cursed vault. Like we’d ever interrupt you finally getting some sleep.” Barnaby—being your only friend to share the Slytherin Common Room with you—is also your only friend that knows just how bad your sleep has gotten. He’d been waking up in the morning often to see you still sprawled across a couch in the dungeons surrounded by books on magical fire and endless corridors.  
  
“And even when you do sleep, it’s mostly filled with that nightmare,” Bill continues to your defense.  
  
“I love you guys.” You almost tear up a little. You’re not sure what you did to deserve the friends that you have, but you know that you’re the luckiest witch of your generation.  
  
“Don’t get sappy on us now, Y/N,” Tulip cautions. Her voice is wary, but she accepts your hug anyway. You hug Bill next, and he’s so much taller than you that your head presses against his chest. He pulls you in closer and you linger for a second in his embrace. You pull away with a fully flushed face. He stutters out a quick goodnight while Tonks winks and salutes you off.  
  
  
You walk across campus to the dungeons with Barnaby in silence. One of the best things about being friends with the larger boy was that he didn’t usually need you to speak for him to understand. You’d both experienced so much suffering before even enrolling at Hogwarts. Though both of you were sorted into Slytherin primarily due to self-preservation skill, the outer layers of confidence and ambition did little to hide inner emotions from the other.  
  
You whisper, “ex nihilo nihil fit,” to the stone wall to reveal the passage to your common room. The dark dungeons might seem cold to outsiders, but it’s home for you. Before heading to the girls’ dormitories, you give Barnaby a quick hug. He whispers something in your ear and your cheeks redden again. You let out a quick goodbye and rush to your room.  
  
Cinnamon jumps off your bed and rushes towards you, brushing her soft, orange fur across your legs. You’d have to remember to charm the fur off your robes the next day. You give her a few gentle pats, change into comfortable clothing, and curl up in bed with your cat and another book. After reading the same paragraph a few times with no success, you decide that you might as well attempt to go back to sleep. This is the first night in weeks that you don’t worry about nightmares, though. Barnaby’s words play on repeat in your head. You smile to yourself and fall asleep comfortably.  
  
“Don’t worry about Bill, Y/N. He’ll come around.”


	2. Tattoo

A few weeks pass, and though you haven’t had much peaceful sleep, you have gotten a lot of classwork done. Your teachers are appeased, which gives you a lot of time for research. Most of your days are spent studying, practicing dueling, and exploring the Forbidden Forest with Charlie. You’re pretty comfortable in the forest now, and you’re able to defeat most of your friends in a duel. Unfortunately, most of the research has been a dead end, but that hasn’t stopped you before.  
  
On a brisk evening in late October, you’re on your way to meet Bill in the Great Hall. He hasn’t been around much lately, and you feel a strange mix of excitement and sadness to see him. When you first met, Bill was by your side for every adventure; he was willing to pull every stunt, explore every corridor. Now, you’re lucky if he puts aside a night to do a little reading. He’s never blamed you, of course, and he insists that he’s just focusing on his career, but you can’t help but feel that the distance is a little personal. You’re sometimes hurt by his apparent disinterest; however, your childhood crush forces you to keep trying.  
  
When you arrive at the Great Hall, you spot two heads of crimson hair from across the room. You take a seat at the Gryffindor table—you’ve been accustomed to the gold-clad students for years—next to Bill and across from Charlie.  
  
“Hey there Charlie,” you beam. “I didn’t know you were joining us!” You keep your tone light to hide the disappointed undertone.  
  
“Well, good old Bill here insisted.” The boy winks, and you can’t tell if he’s joking. You hope not, but it doesn’t surprise you since Bill never spends time alone with you anymore.  
  
“Insisted is a strong word,” Bill adds and changes the subject. “I brought us some books on protecting the mind from nightmares. I figured that we haven’t made any progress with the flames, so this should be our next step.” You nod, and the three of you begin studying. It’s convenient that this keeps you from connecting to or discussing anything personal with the older boy. He’s gotten very good at that. Just a month before, Bill was very worried about your nightmares, but it seems that he’s lost interest. No one other than Barnaby knows the extent of your problems, though, and even he’s been somewhat distant as of late. At least with Barnaby, you’re sure that his apathy isn’t your fault. He’s been struggling with something internal, but you’ve made it very clear to him that you’re ready to listen the second he’s ready to talk.  
  
You look over at Bill; he’s deep into whatever book he’s reading, and his brows are furrowed. You put your hand onto his arm, and for a second, he smiles. You lock eyes, and it’s like you’re twelve and head over heels again. His smile disappears quickly, causing you to pull away and return to your research. Your trio studies for about two hours before deciding to call it quits. Bill excuses himself almost immediately, but Charlie stays behind to help you pack up.  
  
“So, Y/N, do you have any plans for this weekend?” Charlie asks, putting some books in his bag.  
  
“Do I ever?” You reply, and he grins. It’s a genuine smile and the corners of his mouth seem to reach up to the freckles on his cheeks. His happiness is contagious; you can’t help but giggle. The two of you walk into the main corridor but do not part ways.  
  
“Fair enough. I was planning on going up to Hogsmeade to get some things from Zonkos for my younger brothers—you know, the twins.” You nod; you know enough about the Weasley family to write a book, maybe seven. “Would you be interested in accompanying me? You’re my favorite curse-breaker after all.” You blush.  
  
“I won’t tell Bill you said that,” you respond. “But I’d love to go with you.” Charlie hugs you, and it’s warm and comforting.  
  
“Fantastic. It’s a date!” He says. “Good night; I’ll see you this weekend.” He waves and heads towards Gryffindor tower before you can even respond. You make your way back to the dungeons with Charlie’s words playing through your head on repeat. Did he say “date”? When you arrive in the Common Room, Barnaby is sitting alone on one of the couches. You plop down next to him and start rambling without even a greeting.  
  
“Barnaby, help! I’m so confused. I think I just got asked out on a date!” You yell. His eyes are red and a little puffy; you hope he hadn’t been crying again. “Are you okay?” You ask. He smiles, but it seems forced.  
  
“Of course, I am. Just got a bad mark on a Kettleburn paper, is all.” You know he’s lying—the boy could never do badly on an assignment about creatures—but you know not to push him. His family has spent his whole life trying to make him say and do things he didn’t want, and you have no intentions of doing the same. You squeeze his hand, and he continues. “So, how are you confused? What did Bill say?” You blush.  
  
“Actually, it was Charlie.” Barnaby’s eyes widen.  
  
“You’re in a love triangle with two brothers?” He snorted, slapping at his legs. You shush him but are happy to see his mood shift.  
  
“It’s not a love triangle! At least, I don’t think it is. Bill and I are just friends, and I thought Charlie and I were just friends too? But I’m not sure.”  
  
“Well, do you like Charlie?”  
  
“I…” You start. “I don’t know, actually. He’s funny, and he’s always been sweet to me.”  
  
“And you think he’s cute.” You blush again and wonder if your face could permanently turn red.  
  
“Yes, and I think he’s cute,” you admit.  
  
“There has to be something in the water that family is drinking. Okay, tell me what happened, and I’ll do my best to help.” You put your legs up across his, settle into the couch, and tell him about your night.


	3. Never Be the Same

Before you really have time to prepare, the weekend arrives, and you find yourself strolling through Hogsmeade with Charlie Weasley. Though your feelings were still uncertain, Barnaby assured you that one little date wouldn’t hurt. Besides, your crush on Bill happened years before and had seemingly tapered away. Charlie is kind, good-looking, and most importantly: honest. The village is quiet, and you remember that a Quidditch match is taking place today between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. You make a mental note to check on Andre later tonight and buy him a butterbeer if he loses. You wonder if Charlie picked this day out on purpose or if it had been at random. Most likely, it was only because his team was not involved in the game today. The quiet could almost be romantic if you’d let it, but it allows your thoughts far too much room to wander.  
  
Charlie, being incredibly mindful for his age, notices your anxiety and suggests that you go get a drink to calm your nerves. After finding a place to sit, he quickly fetches two butterbeers from Madam Rosmerta and sits across from you. You take a deep sip of the sugary drink and let the warmth rush over you. Despite the meager alcohol content—it would take scads of it to incapacitate you in any way—your age allows the beverage to soothe your worries. You look up at Charlie and notice that when his face is neutral, the freckles dotted across his cheeks are even more noticeable. You’ve always compared him to Bill, but Charlie’s features are softer; his face is a little rounder, his eyes are larger, and his smile is wider. Some of the differences could probably be attributed to his younger age, but you find him cute in a very innocent way. Charlie sees you staring, and his smile lights up his face. He puts his hands gently over yours.  
  
“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” He asks, making you blush. You don’t want to admit your inexperience or internal confliction, so you have to think of an excuse. Not wanting to lie to him either, you decide to tell him something partially true.  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just really worried about Barnaby,” you mutter, trying not to meet his eyes. His smile droops somewhat.  
  
“Barnaby?” He questions. “What’s wrong with Barnaby?” A part of you realizes that you shouldn’t involve him in this, but it’s easier than the whole truth.  
  
“He apparently slipped up on something with Kettleburn. You know how he is with Magical Creatures; it’s probably driving him mad.” Charlie looks puzzled, but nods.  
  
“That’s a little strange. I haven’t noticed him doing badly at all in class. If it’s bothering you this much, we’ll get him something here to make him feel better!” You try to thank him, but he stops you. “Hey, he’s my friend too. Let’s finish up our drinks and shop around for a present.”  
  
From there on, you find yourself much more relaxed around Charlie. The two of you peak into just about every shop in the village no matter how ridiculous. Though some were of scant interest, Charlie manages to seek fun in each. The shopkeeper at Gladrags attempts to shy us away, assuming that we’re students without money. He’s right, of course, but it’s rude nonetheless. Instead of getting offended, Charlie insists that the two of you try on some of the most expensive clothing they have. It’s childish and horribly ludicrous, but all unease fades away at the sight of Charlie’s ponytail peeking out of a feathered hat with dressrobes to match. At Honeydukes, he dares you to try a small amount of ice mice. You barely have any before the chattering and squeaking becomes so strong that Charlie insists on buying you a quick cup of tea. You feel like Madam Puddifoot's—the haunt of happy couples—should make you uncomfortable, but you’re happy to discover that it doesn’t.  
  
The day is quickly coming to an end, and you’ve yet to find a gift for Barnaby. It seems unlikely, but Charlie pulls you into Zonko’s as a last effort. Inside, you run into Tulip and Tonks arguing over how best to prank Filch this week. You greet them, and the couple stops their bickering temporarily to hug you.  
  
“What brings the two of you to our neck of the woods?” Tonks asks while Tulip rolls her eyes.  
  
“We’re looking for a gift for Barnaby,” Charlie explains, making Tonks squeal with glee.  
  
“I know just the thing! Ooh, today’s your lucky day.” Tonks grabs a hold of your arm and pulls you to the counter. “Bilton! My friend here is interested in buying your off-the-market wonder!” The man attempts a stern look, but it’s still rendered silly by his mustache. “I know, I know. It’s not for sale. But you can’t say no to this face,” she whines. Tulip, having followed silently, hands him a moderately sized pouch.  
  
“Here’s enough bulbadox powder to wreak havoc for months. Can we have it now?” Bilton sighs, but agrees and steps into the back room. Tonks plants a teasing, sloppy kiss on Tulip’s cheek, causing her face to immediately match her hair. “Gross! Stop it,” she insists, but even an outsider knew she had a crush on the equally colorful girl. Bilton comes back out with a small carrier. When he opens it up, you gasp; inside is the smallest Puffskein you’ve ever seen.  
  
“It’s so tiny! How is it so tiny?” You ask in shock. Bilton shakes his head disapprovingly.  
  
“This is a Pygmy Puff. It’s not legal for me to breed them without a license, so you can’t tell all your friends where you got him.” He hands you the carrier, putting a finger to his lips and winking. After leaving the store, Tonks and Tulip say their goodbyes while going on about some prank they planned to pull at the Shrieking Shack. You and Charlie make your way back to Hogwarts while he beams about the Pygmy Puff.  
  
“I’ll tell you, Y/N; my siblings would go nuts for this little guy. I can’t wait to tell Fred and George. They have a knack for taking any idea and making it better.” It’s sweet whenever he gets passionate about something, though usually that something is dragons. His attention eventually shifts away from the sleeping creature. “So,” he asks. “Do you feel better now?” You nod earnestly, but avoid answering, so he continues. “Think you plan on telling me what the real problem was?” His voice is teasing, but you can tell it comes from a place of concern. You sign.  
  
“I didn’t mean to act so strangely. I’ve just never been on any sort of date before, and I was so nervous—” He cuts you off.  
  
“A date?” You look up and his eyes were the widest you’d ever seen them.  
  
“I thought that’s what you said the other night?” Your face reddens. “I’m so embarrassed. Was this not a date?”  
  
“I didn’t know it was,” he said, chuckling. “But I guess it was. I didn’t know you felt that way about me, Y/N.” You attempt to stutter back a reply, but you have no words. Entering the castle, he walks you towards your dormitory in silence. You arrive at the dungeons and try to think of an apology.  
  
“I’m so sorry, Charlie. I really tried to not make things awkward all day, but it looks like I was able to do just that.” He’s looking at you so intently that you imagine the cogs turning over in his head. Before you can apologize again, he leans in and presses his lips to yours. You’re shocked, but a pleasant shock shoots through you. The kiss is short but warm and sweet. Charlie pulls away with a smile.  
  
“I’ve actually fancied you since the day we met,” he admits. “I just didn’t think you felt the same. Do you? Feel the same, I mean.” You’ve never seen him this clumsy, but you find it endearing. You nod, and his smile grows. He wraps his arms around you in a hug, and for a moment, you feel almost guilty. “Goodnight,” he says. “When I ask you on a real date, I’ll make sure you know.”  
  
You enter the common room and lay your back against the door. Your heart is racing, but not in a good or bad way. You can’t wait to tell Barnaby about your day, but a faint crying snaps you back into reality.


	4. Empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up: this chapter and the next were inspired by this fanart (http://niminny.tumblr.com/post/176062079501/and-as-he-watched-her-step-shyly-down-the-stairs). It's possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. MC's physical description also leans heavily toward my own character design here, but feel free to tune me out and imagine her however you want.

How the hell did Penny drag you into this mess? You’re in the Hufflepuff dormitory while the peppy girl charms the life out of your hair. One of her spells finally takes, and your hair adapts to form loose curls.  
  
“This is ridiculous,” you groan into your reflection. “I don’t understand why we’re even doing this.” Your friends had decided to attend this year’s ball as a group, yet Penny insisted on getting the girls together beforehand to primp and preen beyond recognition. You’ve been seeing Charlie for about a month now, however; no one besides Barnaby knows. They both think that tonight would be a good time to tell the group, but you hoped to warn Bill in advance. You’re not sure why, but it feels like the right thing to do. His avoidance of you had increased over the last few weeks though, which left you with no time to talk. Tonight will have to be as good as any other.  
  
“Quiet, Y/N. You’ve never looked this pretty in your life, so why don’t you stick to curse-breaking and let me handle all of the real work.” You continue to grumble, but let her mangle your appearance. Rowan giggles and continues their reading. They’re dressed in a simple pair of black dress robes, and you think they look sleek and handsome. Tonks and Tulip had stopped by earlier but left immediately after getting dressed to plan out their night. You worry a little about what they’ll do but assume that at least no one will get hurt.  
  
Penny, of course, looks radiant. Her usual braids are pinned up into a bouquet shape with one pink rose in the center. She’s wearing a blush-colored chiffon dress that cuts off at the knees and delicate, floral jewelry. You know that Barnaby will be floored when he sees her. Watching her float around the dormitory brings you back a few weeks earlier.  
  
  
  
_You had just come home from a date with Charlie, Pygmy Puff in hand. Sadly, you hear cries as soon as you enter the common room. You run over to your best friend. His eyes are red and brimming with tears, so you wipe them away with your sleeves and take his hands in yours._  
  
_“Barney,” you beg. “I know how hard you try to act tough around everyone else, but this is me. Please tell me what’s been bothering you.” Normally, he’d try to talk his way out of it, but he had hit his limit. He musters up as much of a smile as he is capable of and nods._  
  
_“I’ve been writing to my mum in Azkaban the last few weeks,” he starts, avoiding eye contact. “She’s…not great, but she’s my mum. She and my dad got a new lawyer, so they’ve been trying to get out.”_  
  
_“What do they want from you?” You thought that your words would come across far more gently, but you find it difficult to conceal your distaste for the couple. Your heart breaks for the boy in front of you. His relationship with his parents is complicated—they constantly push him to be someone that he’s not and tear him down for the person that he is, but he still loves them._  
  
_“Well, at first, she wanted me to testify on their behalf,” Barnaby sighs. “You know, tell the court that they’ve always been good parents and that I need them around.” Lies. “But apparently, they wouldn’t even give them a public hearing no matter what their lawyer tried. After that, she spent some time letting me know everything she wants me to do to try and fix the family’s reputation. She wants me to focus on becoming an Auror and finding a pure-blood witch to marry.” You gasp involuntarily._  
  
_“Barnaby, you’re fifteen. They can’t control your life like that.”_  
  
_“I’ve actually been working up the courage to turn her down. I know I’m not very smart, but I’ve been thinking that I really want to be a Magizoologist after graduation.” You remember the small creature you have for him and smile; he would be wonderful at caring for and studying magical creatures. “And I know it’s not exactly marriage, but there’s a girl I really like, and I don’t wanna mess that up for someone else’s mistakes.” You try to find the words to express just how proud of him you are, but his tone quickly changes. “After today, none of that matters though.”_  
  
_“What is that?” You ask cautiously, and he sighs again._  
  
_“My mum wrote again today. Dad went kinda crazy after finding out that their lawyer was a muggleborn—let’s just say that they’re not getting out of there any time soon.” As much as you think they deserve it, you know that’s not what he wants to hear._  
  
_“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but you’re the greatest person I’ve ever met. At least with them far away from you, we can focus on what you want to do and what makes you happy.” You pause and reach for the carrier on the ground. “On that note, I actually have something for you that I think will help. Close your eyes and hold out your hands.” He does as you say, so you pull out the small creature and place it gently in his palms. Barnaby’s eyes immediately shoot open and widen as far as they can._  
  
_“What is this?” He asks in awe, petting the small critter gently with one of his hands. You smile and tell him everything you know, though it isn’t much. The Pygmy Puff keeps Barnaby distracted and happy for hours while he interrogates you about your day—focusing very heavily on the Charlie of it all. You open up to him about your mixed feelings, which in turn prompts him to admit his feelings for a certain Hufflepuff._

  
  


Penny quite literally slaps you back into focus to receive praise for her work. You look into the mirror and can’t even recognize the person staring back at you. You’re wearing a plain column gown with a sweetheart neckline, but in a striking crimson that contrasts starkly against your pale skin. The charms that Penny cast on your hair keep the blonde locks in loose ringlets that pool across your shoulders, and it’s accessorized by a simple golden flower crown. She brushed a small amount of bronze shadow to bring out the blue in your eyes and a sheer red over your lips. You can barely believe how different you look.  
  
“Wow, Penny. Thank you; I love it,” you admit earnestly. “Even though you painted me into a goddamn Gryffindor.” She winks back at you.  
  
“I knew it would appeal to a certain Weasley boy.” Penny pulls you and Rowan to the Great Hall, and you wonder how she’d guessed about Charlie. “I see our boys now.” Charlie spots your trio at the top of the staircase first; his mouth nearly falls open. Barnaby and Ben gape up as well, but Charlie has to whack Bill’s head to make him turn. His eyes lock with yours, and time feels slower. You take a deep breath to steady yourself and head down the stairs.  
  
“See,” Penny whispers. “Bill can’t take his eyes off of you.”


	5. Boys Like You

Charlie runs up to meet you at the foot of the stairs, a deep bush coating his freckled cheeks. He holds out his hand to you, which you happily accept, and the rest of the group joins you.  
  
“Y/N, I know you’re practically my sister, but damn, you look hot” Barnaby shouts out, winking. “Rowan, you’re looking very elegant, as always. And Penny…”  
  
“Yes?” His confidence droops a little, and he pauses to search for the right compliment.  
  
“You look like a princess,” he blurts out. Penny kisses his cheek lightly; you can almost see his heart beating faster. “Do you guys want drinks? I’ll go get drinks.” Charlie offers him a hand, and the two head to the refreshment table. Ben asks Rowan to dance, and they accept, though they seem very suspicious.  
  
“I’ll, uh, go help the boys,” Penny yells, running quickly away to leave you with Bill. It makes you sad how uncomfortable this is when just months before, he was your closest friend.  
  
“You look lovely.” He fiddles with his hands, nervously looking in every direction but yours.  
  
“Thanks, you too. Handsome! I mean, you look handsome. Not lovely.” Bill laughs, and your heart swells. “I don’t know what’s happened between us this year, but can we please just be friends again for tonight? This is supposed to be a fun night.”  
  
“Nothing’s happened between us,” he insists. “Of course, we’re friends.” He smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. You decide to ignore it for now and just focus on having a good time with your friends. Barnaby, Charlie, and Penny return with drinks, and the five of you meet Rowan and Ben on the dance floor.  
  
A few hours and a quite more than a few drinks in, you’re happier than you can remember ever being. You’ve never been one for this kind of thing, but you’re so glad that you gave it a chance. Everyone seems friendlier, more content, when Tonks and Tulip finally show up. Tonks’s face is beet red, and Tulip is keeping her steady with her hands on her waist.  
  
“Is she okay?” You ask, and Tulip nods.  
  
“She just drank a little too much of the moonshine we brewed in the potions lab.”  
  
“You two made moonshine?” You’re not sure why you’re surprised.  
  
“Well, duh! What did you think we spiked the punch with?” Everything suddenly makes sense. You gather the group and huddle up by the stairs.  
  
“Why aren’t we dancing?” Ben whines, draping his arm on Penny. She pulls it off her and shuffles away subtly.  
  
“Tulip and Tonks spiked the drinks. We’re all drunk,” you explain, just now realizing how slurred your words are.  
  
“I’m not,” Penny says. “I didn’t have any punch.”  
  
“Me either, so it looks like we’re the babysitters,” Rowan adds.  
  
“Me three,” Charlie tacks on. “This should be…interesting.”  
  
“Are you kidding?” Penny laughs. “This will be hilarious.” Unfortunately, just as she says that, Tonks’s face contorts into a grimace.  
  
“Actually, I think I might puke. Penny, can you take me home? You’re the only one that can get me there.” Penny sighs.  
  
“Dang it; none of you do anything funny while I’m gone,” she groans, and you giggle. “I’m serious, Y/N. Don’t you dare.” Penny puts her arm around Tonks’s other side, and she and Tulip lead her out of the room.  
  
“Maybe we all should consider going to bed like Tonks, just in case,” Rowan suggests, earning whines from the four drunker students.  
  
“That’s a great idea, but I might have a better one,” you counter. “We could…not go to bed?” Barnaby cheers and gives you a high five; Charlie laughs.  
  
“Amazing, very eloquently spoken,” Rowan sighs, but they don’t argue with you. The group returns to the dance floor, and everything seems fine. You share a few more dances, including a somewhat ridiculous rendition of Do the Hippogriff in which Barnaby tries to act like the creature itself. Charlie and Rowan are content considering that they were forced into taking care of the others while they have fun. Even Bill is relaxed and having fun; it’s the first time you’ve seen him happy in months.  
  
Everything comes to a brief halt when Ben announces that he’s feeling sick. Barnaby, though he won’t admit it, appears the same. The ball is very nearly over, so Charlie and Rowan offer to take them back to their respective dormitories. You aren’t quite ready to leave, so Bill suggests that he stays with you until you are. He insists that he’s perfectly sober, and Charlie believes him even though it’s a lie. He trusts his brother more than anyone, so he guides Ben back to Gryffindor Tower. While you’re excited to spend time with Bill, a small part of you is nervous. Tonight has been so pleasant, and you don’t want anything to ruin that.  
  
The band changes tone to a slow song; it wasn’t the first of the evening, but you’d danced the others with Barnaby and Penny. This song felt romantic, so you’re shocked when Bill offers you his hand. You let him escort you to the center of the room. Neither of you are quite sober enough for a real dance, so you mostly just sway to the music. He puts his hands around your waist, and you put yours around his neck. In the few places that his body touches yours, your skin feels like it’s on fire.  
  
“You really do look beautiful tonight,” he admires, looking down into your eyes. Your face flushes.  
  
“Oh, hush. Beautiful isn’t exactly how I’d describe myself.”  
  
“It’s exactly how I would describe you,” he counters. “You’re beautiful; I’ve thought so since the day we met.”  
  
“Bill, I was twelve. No twelve-year-old is beautiful,” you joke.  
  
“Well, I was fourteen,” he shrugs. “You were beautiful to me.”  
  
“That must be the moonshine talking,” you tease back. The ease you’d felt earlier seems to be wearing off. Everything is feeling a little too serious, and he frowns.  
  
“I never had any of the punch, Y/N.” You’re completely shocked. Bill had been acting silly with the others all night. He’d finally let out the boy that you’d met years before. He must notice the confusion on your face, so he continues. “I just…” He sighs. “I just wanted to pretend like everything was normal again—like it was when we were younger.”  
  
“Why can’t it be? Please, just tell me if I did something wrong. I miss you every day,” you admit, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. Bill looks away.  
  
“The music stopped,” he points out.  
  
“I don’t care,” you say. “Bill, why can’t it be like it was?” He stops dancing, but keeps his hands around you. The silence is deafening. Bill looks into your eyes again, and he seem tormented; his blue eyes show only anguish. Something seems to change in him, and he starts leaning in slowly. Without thinking, you close your eyes and begin to do the same, but a familiar voice snaps you back into reality.  
  
“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Charlie’s voice is completely teasing, but you’re immediately filled with guilt. Nothing happened, obviously, but you know that it could have. Bill drops his arms from your side as if you were made of hot iron and steps back.  
  
“Of course not,” he laughs. “How’s Ben?” Charlie launches into a tale about trying to drag the drunken boy back to his bed, but you’re not listening. Your head is spinning. What just happened with Bill? For a second, it seemed like he was going to kiss you, and even worse—you were going to kiss him back. The thoughts are too much for your hazed mind to deal with.  
  
“I’m not feeling well,” you blurt out, possibly interrupting the conversation. Charlie looks confused, but his expression quickly shifts to concern.  
  
“Are you okay?” He asks hurriedly, placing his hand on your forehead. The guilt you feel only grows stronger.  
  
“I’m just a little dizzy, and I’d really like to go to bed if that’s okay.” Charlie seems reassured and smiles down at you before turning back to Bill.  
  
“If you’ll please excuse me, brother, I’m going to walk my girlfriend back to her dormitory.” You freeze. The evening had been so nice that it hadn’t even occurred to you to warn Bill.  
“Oh! Well, don’t get me keep you. Have a good night,” he says, his voice quiet. You look up at him, but he avoids your gaze.  
  
“Goodnight, Bill,” you mumble. He only nods before hastily shuffling out of the room. Charlie, noticing none of the tension, puts his arm around your waist and gently leads you back to your room. You lean into him on the walk back, but your mind is racing. You think about Charlie and how good he is to you. You care for him a lot, but there’s no denying that your feelings for Bill haven’t gone away. The stress is almost enough to bring you to tears.  
  
“Y/N!” Charlie’s voice makes you jump, and you’re sure that it wasn’t the first time he had tried to get your attention. Looking around, you realize that you’re outside of the Slytherin Common Room. It’s most likely the alcohol clouding your judgement, but a sudden urge to understand your emotions overshadows any rationality. You’re desperate to make sense of how feel for him. You hastily press your lips against Charlie’s, and though he’s shocked, he allows you. It’s not enough; you tug him towards you by his robes and deepen the kiss. He gently but unmistakably pulls away. You frown and reach towards him again, but he stops you. When he speaks, his voice is soft.  
  
“We can’t do this,” he says. “Are you okay to get yourself into bed?” Shame saturates over you, and you begin to stammer out apologies before he stops you again.  
  
“Y/N, it’s okay. I want the same things as you, but I would never take advantage of you when you’ve been drinking.” Charlie kisses your forehead. “Goodnight, beautiful. We can talk once you’ve had some rest.” Feeling a strange mixture of embarrassment for your actions and awe at his compassion, you stumble into your common room. Before you can head up to your dormitory, you feel suddenly dizzy. The room seems to spin, so you collapse on to one of the couches and fall into a coarse slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Two things. First, I've decided to start naming chapters. Each is a song from my Bill/MC playlist, and so far we have What Ifs - Kane Brown, Tattoo - Hilary Duff, Never Be the Same - Camilla Cabello, Empty - Dela Kay, and Boys Like You - Anna Clendening. The story is also named after by Sanctify - Years and Years. That song as well as Chasing Fire - Lauv from my other fic inspired the whole story.
> 
> Second, the fic is about to start getting darker. It's been pretty light thus far, but I don't plan on keeping it that way. Just a heads up in case you aren't comfortable with that.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone reading. I'm so happy that this fic has finally got me writing again. <3


	6. Poison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After MC falls asleep, it kinda switches to third person POV. Shh, just let it happen.

_“You’re a liar.” Echoes surround you, taunting, teasing. There is nothing visible through the thick fog of darkness._  
  
_“You’re a liar, and he knows it,” the voice continues._  
  
_“Jacob?” You ask. “Is it you? Why are you trying to hurt me?”_  
  
_“Give me your confessions, Y/N.” Your body lights up with pain as the room lights up in flames. “Sanctify the love that you crave.”_

 __  
  


__

You wake up at the foot of the staircase to Gryffindor Tower. Though the more rational pieces of you assure that it was just a dream, you know in your heart that Jacob lead you there for a reason. You don’t know why, but he wants you to be honest with yourself and the others. How can he expect that of you when you’re not even sure how you feel? Charlie is the sun; he is warm, protecting, straight-forward. You’re happy and comfortable with him, however; Bill is fire. Your entire body burns with desire for him, but it _hurts_. Despite your age, you know that love shouldn’t be so painful, so complicated. You need to talk to Bill.  
  
Almost as if your dream brought you here at this specific time, you see him exit the Prefect’s Bathroom. His hair is wet, the locks clinging to his skin. He’s wearing only Gryffindor pajama bottoms, driving the inevitable blush to take over your cheeks. Bill looks up at you, but the shock on his face promptly turns to animosity.  
  
“What are you doing out?” He demands. “It’s the middle of the night; you should be in your dormitory.” You try to hide the pain at his tone.  
  
“I was sleepwalking,” you admit. “You haven’t bothered to check in, but it hasn’t stopped. If anything, it’s gotten worse.” His eyes narrow and lock in on your outfit; it’s still the dress you wore at the ball.  
  
“Were you in Gryffindor Tower?” He asks. “Were you with Charlie?”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“You heard me. That’s breaking so many rules. I’ll have to go to Snape with this, possibly even the headmaster.”  
  
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I wasn’t with Charlie. I was in my dorm, and then I woke up here. Nothing happened.” Bill scoffs.  
  
“Ah, yes. I’m sure the underage drinking helped with that.”  
  
“How dare you?” Tears threaten to pool in your eyes, the salt water stinging almost as badly as his words. “You know damn well that I didn’t have a say in that. It was a bad prank that _you_ were aware of and didn’t warn me.” Bill looks a little sheepish, so you continue. “If you’re upset about my seeing Charlie, you can grow up a little and tell me that!”  
  
“Why would I be upset about that?” He urges, daring you to say what had been left unspoken for years. You can’t.  
  
“I don’t know, Bill; I’m not the one acting like a prick! Why don’t you tell me?” Bill rolls his eyes.  
  
“You know as well as I that you don’t have feelings for Charlie. You’re taking advantage of him just like you do with everyone else! We mean nothing to you, YN. Your brother is long gone; don’t make me lose mine too!”  
  
“Fuck you,” you spit out. “I can’t even begin to understand everything that you just said. You know _nothing_ about me! We haven’t spoken in months. Charlie is kind to me, and I’m very happy with him! I have never used anyone for my personal gain; my friends mean more to me than anything, and that includes finding my brother.” He doesn’t answer, so you go on. “I haven’t had a full night’s sleep this entire semester, and I sleepwalk at least twice a week. My grades are borderline failing; my professors only let me slide because I’m a Prefect. I’ve been seeing and hearing things that no magic can explain. I think I’m going crazy. And you know what the worst of it is?” The tears are let loose, and your voice quiets to a whisper. “I lost my best friend. You are the thing I care most about in this entire world, and we are nothing to each other anymore. So, yes; I started dating someone who lets me find a little happiness at this school. Think what you want about me, Bill Weasley. If that makes me a bad person, I’m at peace with that.” You turn on your heels and run back to the dungeons.  
  
Barnaby, shockingly, is awake when you return to the common room. He’s studying a book on sleepwalking that he puts down when you enter. Before your friend can ask you what’s happened, you dash to the couches and break down. He doesn’t speak, only holds you while you sob. Barnaby keeps you in his arms until you fall asleep. Once sure that you’re dormant, he sets out to find the cause of your sadness. He exits the common area and begins to head to the main parts of campus, but finds Bill lingering outside the dungeons. He immediately understands that the older boy had to have hurt you.  
  
“Weasley,” he growls, stomping towards him. Using the brute strength that he generally kept hidden, Barnaby slams him against the wall. “What did you do to her?” If he had his wand, Bill could stand a chance against the Slytherin, but he’s unarmed.  
  
“I’m just here to apologize,” he chokes out, holding his arms up in surrender. “We got into a fight, but I didn’t mean anything that I said to her.” Bill sighs. “I was just jealous that she’s dating my brother. Or upset that she didn’t bother to tell me. I’m not sure.” Barnaby loosens his grip but does not lower his guard. Bill slides to sit on the ground, so he joins him.  
  
“Look, we’re not mates. Our only connection is Y/N, so I’m not gonna hold your hand through this. I don’t know what your relationship was, but I do know that you ended it. She thought you were the love of her life, and you crushed her. You have no idea how much she cried over you.”  
  
“She cried?” Bill’s voice is sincere, his aching palpable. Barnaby nods. “I had to cut things off. We spent so much time working on the vaults last year that my grades were slipping. McGonagall made it clear that if it got worse, I wouldn’t get a job.”  
  
“You broke her heart over a job? These vaults are life or death—way more important than school.” Bill cuts him off.  
  
“I’m sorry, Barnaby. You don’t understand. I don’t care about my career, but my family needs money. My dad just isn’t pulling in enough at the Ministry; if I don’t get a job soon, they won’t be able to afford for my two youngest siblings to start school. If there’s even a chance I can help, I have to do what I can, even if that means putting my own feelings aside.”  
  
“That’s heavy, but I get it. I know what it’s like to do everything for your family, even if you shouldn’t have to,” Barnaby assents. “But you can’t keep Y/N on hold forever. She deserves happiness more than anyone I’ve ever met. Charlie might not be you, but he’s so good to her; she’s finally smiling again. You need to make a choice. If you want to be with her, fantastic—tell her how you feel. Be her friend, if you think you can handle just that. If you can’t, let her live her life, even if that means you might not be a part of it. I’m gonna go check on her, but think carefully about what you’re gonna do.” He pats Bill’s shoulder and goes back to his dormitory.  
  
Bill sighs. He knows that he loves her, but that as the oldest child, he has to put his family above everything else. Though it will hurt, he knows what he needs to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is based on Poison by Jackie Foster & Self Portraits. I'm sorry this took so long! I just started up school for the semester, and I'm a writing major so it's basically all I do. I'll try to stay as active as I can.


End file.
